So, let's start with my family. Issues within my family. OKAY, I really don't know if I should talk about it because I don't think I have one. Oops, sorry. It's really hard explaining things and stories about my family. Only my closest friends know about it.
My family? They're trying to make me feel that I have one. I know they're trying to show me how loved I am, trying to hide the real thing within the family. Ugh, how do I explain things. So complicated but I just wanna let things out. Bear with me, I really don't know how.
So, I'm not gonna tell you the whole story. Just ask me personally well, if you really wanna know the real story.
Here we go. Let's talk about my dad.
Okay, well I've known him and called him papa ever since tho, so I guess I consider him my dad even though my birth certificate's saying that my dad's n/a. He's my papa. He's the one who gives my allowance (if he feels it), he's the one who gave my tuition fee in high school. He partially paid for my college tuition fee at first. He gives the things that I like, that I want and I need. He's there to give me a ride whenever I need one. He's there for me when I need someone to pick me up whenever I go home late or went out partying with friends. He seriously is trying to be my dad. Okay?
To make this story short, I'll just write the thing that's bothering me atm. Please bear with me.
Months ago, someone pm-ed me on facebook. We have the same surname so I answered him. He asked, "Kamusta lolo mo?" something like that. I answered him, "Okay naman po siya, fighting and strong pa naman." I answered him that because I thought he's asking about Lolo. Then he replied, "Si Tito Mike?" I was like, whoa. Seriously. Should I answer this guy. I don't know him personally tho, I just accepted his request because he's Goco. Gets? But eventually, I have decided to answer him. I answered, "Daddy ko po siya." Then I didn't get any reply for him. So I looked and stare at his name, visited his profile and realized that he has the same first name with my dad. Well, surname too. He even has a Jr. What a coincidence. I just kept my thoughts to myself. I don't wanna judge, well I can't do anything though. Weeks after that, I opened my dad's facebook account. Don't judge. I'm the one who made the account so I know the password. I opened it and saw that he was tagged in a photo by the person who pm-ed me. There I saw a family, the person who pm-ed me's family. Like his own, with his child and his wife. Then I saw my dad. Whatever. I just have this big thing in my heart, in my heavy heart that there's something wrong. Then this year's Father's day, I wanted to greet my dad on facebook like writing on his wall because he's not home and I haven't seen him in days so I went to his profile. There I saw a post "Happy Father's Day sa aking ama" tagged my dad by this man who pm-ed me months ago. My eyes. Tears, I just can't stop crying. My mind. I don't know what to think. My heart. I don't know what to feel. I immediately pm-ed my three best-est friends, Nikki, Kayla and Vanessa. There I just poured out my feels.
What now? I don't know. I can't ask him. I don't have the right. Ugh, so complicated. My family's too complicated. But whatever, my mind's still full of questions. My heart's full of pain when it comes to family thing because I grew up in a family trying to build and make a family that's too complicated for a girl who really should not be in this world.
